How To Gain Momentum and Clarity Toward Our Desire

Aug 23, 2022

Why is it that sometimes, among the hundreds of things we could do with our time and energy, we choose to make ourselves miserable? It doesn't make sense, especially when we realize none of us want to be miserable; no one likes to struggle more than they should. But then, why is it we do it anyway? 

In today's episode, we address this weird impulse of making things harder for ourselves. We explore the importance of looking at the bigger picture and having clarity on our goals, so we can help ourselves to make different choices instead of letting ourselves slip into choosing to be miserable. 

In addition, we delve into the basics of the Unrivaled Momentum Model. This helpful tool helps clarify, refine, and redefine our end goals and make our decision-making processes easier and more effective. 

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

  • Making our lives miserable is a conscient choice (2:35)
  • Why is it that we choose to make things harder for ourselves (5:57)
  • The Unrivaled Momentum Model (7:32)
  • About the things we can control NOW, and the things we have power over (10:21)
  • Sometimes, all we need is clarity (13:17)
  • About the importance of avoiding comparing ourselves with others (17:16)


Let's Connect!


Clint Hoopes: We often forget how many facets of life we have, how many parts of life make us who we are, make us the man we are. So, let's make the decision to be unrivaled, make the decision to get unrivaled momentum in our lives. The only way we get unrivaled momentum is if we are unhindered and we have complete clarity on what we're doing that drives our actions.

Welcome to the Unrivaled Man podcast. If it's your first time joining us, welcome. If you are a longtime listener, also, so grateful to have you here. If you have not yet left a review on Apple Podcasts, I would sure appreciate the help there. Go ahead, you can stop the podcast right now, head to Apple Podcasts, scroll down to the bottom if you’re on your mobile device, and it has a place where you can write a review. Click on there, leave a review. And man, I would sure appreciate it. It really does help other people find the show. Also, another thing I've been announcing is I have a few openings for my private one-on-one executive coaching that I offer. So, what is this? This is where we get a chance, you and I, to work together to help you in any part of your business leadership. If you're ready to take things to the next level in your leadership, if you need help managing growth within your company, if you're feeling stagnant as a leader, as a person, feeling out of control at work or at home, and just need a different perspective; let's chat. Message me on social media, email me directly at [email protected], and we will set up a time for a zero-pressure call. We can work through and help you out. 

Interesting thing that's been going through my mind, I think about times in life where I have made myself miserable. Have you ever done this where you just made yourself miserable? And you think, why did I do this? Why did I do that? I have way more control over my life and what's happening than this. Why am I doing this? Why am I making myself miserable? Because there are things I can do. I can control my world. But yet, still, I make some of the same decisions, poor decisions over and over again. I say that I want my priorities to be X or Y, and then I don't do it, or I don't do it to the extent that I wanted to. I commit to a certain level of performance, and then I miss it. And you beat yourself up and you just don't quite take the control that you know you can. And we all feel this way from time to time. We do this even from an early age. And I feel like it's kind of a perspective thing on what we're looking at and where our mindset is at. As we grow, we get a little better at it — at being able to see it — but still, sometimes we need a little bit of help to see where we're at. It made me think, actually, of my little daughter. So, I have a little daughter, she's not quite 18 months old yet but she's getting there. And she's still in the crib for a little bit longer. It's not long, I'm sure, before she'll be trying to crawl out of there and we'll have to do something different. But she currently is still in the crib and she still goes down for her naps during the day. And it's so funny, and usually, she's pretty good at going out for a nap. But occasionally, when she doesn't want to go down for a nap, she'll go in there, and she will throw everything out of her crib. She has her little pillow and a blanket and maybe a little doll or something that she has, a little toy or something. She'll throw everything out of her crib and then scream because she wants it again. She throws it out, she's the one that does it, and then she screams and wants to get it back. Now, I'm sure she's probably trying to get our attention or something, hoping we'll come back in and help her. Or who knows, maybe she's not thinking that far ahead, maybe she just thought it would be fun to see the stuff fall to the ground. But then the same thing, she wants it again. She is making herself miserable. She does it over and over again, that's the interesting thing. It's not like, she just did it once, and then it’s like, “Oh, man, bad idea there. Shouldn't have done that. Lived, learned, wrote that down, I'm going to file that away and make sure that I don't-- If I want to have my blanket, if I want to have these things, man, I shouldn't throw them out of the crib.” And often, we are the exact same way at life. We will do things that we know are going to make us miserable. We stay up late the night before important meetings, watching some show that doesn't add much value to our lives; it's entertaining, it can be fun, but it takes away our focus and getting the rest that we need the next day. I do this, and sometimes I think, in the moment, “What am I doing?” It's the equivalent of me having the blanket in my hand, standing in the crib, throwing it out as my little daughter. Yet sometimes, still, I keep watching the show or doing the other thing that I know is going to make me more miserable the next day, but I think, “Eh, what the heck? We’ll let tomorrow deal with this. I'll let myself tomorrow deal with this. Doesn't hurt me right now.” And those are the things that we have a chance to impact our own lives more than we think. 

So, what do you think? Where in your life are you making yourself miserable? Where in your life do you have control, but yet you don't exercise that control? Where in your life do you need to get additional clarity on what you actually want to accomplish so that, in the moment, when you're about to make yourself miserable, you can make another choice? Sometimes I believe that we don't make these decisions because of clarity. Now, I have shared before on the show a little model that I have, it's called the Unrivaled Momentum Model. Now, this is a model that I share with many of my clients. I believe that true principles are true enduring, and true principles apply across all parts of life. And I also believe that some of the most important principles, and some of the most important things we can do are simple. Now, this model is pretty simple, but it can be very impactful. No model is perfect. No model holds up to all different types of situations and things can't be applied to everything. But I believe there are things that we can learn from different models. And perhaps there's something you can learn about getting momentum in your own life from the model that I'm going to share with you now. 

So, it's called Unrivaled Momentum Model. It is three separate things that I believe help provide momentum in our lives and in our businesses: the first one is desire, the next one is clarity, the next one is action — DCA — desire, clarity, action. Now, you may be hearing those words and think, “Okay, heard this before.” Now, I'm telling you, so many of these things we have heard before but have we internalized them? Have we used them to actually change our minds, change our circumstances, change the outcomes, in order to make ourselves more happy, more momentum? 

So, start with the desire. It really is a simple thing. We need to have desire, or at least a desire to desire to be this person, a better person in whatever it is that we're working on. So, you can go through this model in terms of relationships with another person and improve your relationship. You can go through this model in terms of a goal you have for yourself. You can go through this model in several different ways. But first, you must have a desire; a desire to improve in a certain area of your life or in your entire life. You have a desire to be this person that you know that you can become; this person that's out there in the future; this person that you almost know, you feel it inside is the person you are going to become. We'll say that once we get everything figured out, once we have a little more time, once we have a little more fill-in-the-blank; we will become that person down the road when really being that person now is within our grasp. So, if you have a desire to be that person, or at least a desire to figure out who that person is, or what goals, or what different attributes, or different skills, or different things that I need in my life to be who I want to become, desire to have those things. 

Next, you need clarity. Desire for those things and then clarity on what it actually means. This can be similar to your goal setting, but this is more about deciding, getting a crystal clear vision on who you want to be, or how you're going to accomplish this certain goal, or even just what it looks like when this goal or this thing is complete. What does it look like? What do we want it to look like? Do we feel like it's really within our grasp or not? Do we feel like it's way out there, it's out of the realm of possibility for us right now, but someday it will be? Well, how do we do that now? How do we get clear on it so that we can then have a clear path of action, so we can actually impact, actually do the thing? Have a desire to actually improve, get clear on what the thing is, what it looks like, which is really goal-setting in its simplest form. But even in element further, it's an element of vision, clarity of vision, and then the action steps become more clear. 

Then after we've acted, then we go back around, we desire to improve it, refine it. Our goal gets even better, even more clear, so we refine it, have a desire to refine it. We get clarity on what these refinements are, these changes are, and then we act accordingly and we go around in a circle. And that's where momentum can get in each part of our lives. We can do the same thing with ourselves personally. We can do this with our relationship with God, desire to be closer to Him. We get more clear on what that looks like for us, what kind of person we want to be, what does the person we want to be do with their lives today? What would they do today? Find out those actions and begin to do them. Have a desire to be even better, refine it even more, clarify what that means, and act.

Desire to be even better, clarify what that means, and act over and over again. And momentum begins to build in our lives. It gets more and more clear who we want to become and what the path is to get there. We don't need to make all the leaps now; we just need the next step. But having clarity on what the end goal looks like right now for us is what we need. Funny enough, though, the more clear we get, and as we start acting on those things to become that person, it's amazing what happens; that person we envision begins to change, begins to refine even a little bit more than we originally envisioned, and our goals begin to change for the better because it's more aligned with who we want to be in whatever part of life we're working on. And it's amazing, we go back around, have a desire to improve, get more clear, and act again. And as that person gets refined more and more into the person we want to become, we take the actual steps, the actual actions, to become that person, to become that Father, to become that leader for your employees. 

If you want to be someone who doesn't make yourself miserable, don't make yourself miserable by doing the same leadership mistakes over and over again. You want to actually change those things. You often think about your tendencies, you think, “Well, this is something I usually do.” You have people that will say that; they'll look at themselves, “I've done this, goodness gracious.” They'll be like, “Well, I'm one who struggles with this.” But it's all right, we all have weaknesses, it’s what we say. We pass it off, and that happens. But what if there are things we can do to improve ourselves in those specific areas? Or even just get people on our team that help support us in those things that we’re weak? It's an interesting thought. There are ways to support our goals as part of the action as we envision who we want to be. Sometimes the action to improve things isn't always just us doing more, doing different, trying to make our weaknesses our strengths. At work, very often, the best thing you can do is realize where you're at, by having a desire to improve, getting clear on it. And then part of your action is getting the right person in place to do the thing, to accomplish the goal, to accomplish the thing that you need to do. The biggest impact items in our operations and our businesses need to get done. You as the leader have the vision of what needs to happen, but you don't need to do every piece of it yourself. The more clarity you get in a vision, the more you can begin to find great people around you, or use the great people you already have, and help expand their abilities to accomplish that vision. 

A couple of podcasts ago, we talked about getting that clarity of vision, we talked about being a Chief Reminding Officer, a CRO, in your organization like Patrick Lencioni says. But we talked about how your vision has to be clear first so that you can actually share that vision with everybody else. This is one of the ways that you do that: by having a desire to do it first, clarity, and then action — desire, clarity, action. And what does that give you? It gives you momentum that we talked about, the unrivaled momentum. Now, why unrivaled? the show Unrivaled Man, why is that? Unrivaled means no comparison; there is no one that can compare to you in your life. And you being the unrivaled man in your life, you don't need constant competition between you and other people in that way. I'm all about winning, competing, and being the best. But not in terms of comparison of ourselves to others. In this way, it’s who we are at our core; we compare ourselves to ourselves and compare ourselves to who we want to become, and celebrate the progress that we make each day, each week, each month, each year toward getting a step closer to that man, to that unrivaled man — the one that's not compared to anyone else — so that we can be an unrivaled leader at work. We are the best person for our team and our people. So, let's show up as that person. Let's get the unrivaled momentum, momentum that can't be compared to anyone else because guess why? It's your life, your family, your children, your business; it's all yours, it cannot be compared to other people. 

We often compare where we're currently at in life to somebody else's life. And we often use words like “they're ahead of me,” or “I'm behind them.” But we're often comparing one tiny part of somebody else's life to a tiny part of our life, and that's when we begin to make ourselves miserable again. We will look at it and we say, “Oh, look how far ahead they are.” And We often forget how many facets of life we have, how many parts of life make us who we are, make us the man we are. So, let's make the decision to be unrivaled, make the decision to get unrivaled momentum in our lives. The only way we get unrivaled momentum is if we are unhindered and we have complete clarity on what we're doing that drives our actions. That's why this model allows us to see how we can have that momentum in our life; momentum that begins to push us towards the person we want to become because it's us deciding we want to be that person. And we don't want to wait years to be that person; we want to be them now. So, let's do it. It’s the whole reason I have this podcast. It's the whole reason I love coaching people. It's the reason I love working with businesses in my consulting. I love it because I get a chance to improve myself a little more every day, become a little bit better leader. I get to help coach others and help them see how they can be just a little bit better in their lives as well each day, one step closer, a little bit more momentum each day until they find that they're making greater and greater strides in all parts of life and helping to avoid making themselves miserable from the actions that they are doing, and from doing the same thing over and over again they've always done. And just like the same goes, “Doing the same things over and over, and expecting different results.” Something needs to change, and it might not be as drastic as you think. There are some little shifts in your life, little shifts in your perspective that can change everything for you, that can help you become the Unrivaled Man in your life. You got this. If you need some additional help, give me a call, message on social media, send me an email at [email protected] But look at yourself and go and be the Unrivaled Man in your life, and start now. You got this.